Having a mental illness or a chronic illness changes a lot about life. It affects our lives in so many ways. Too often the people in our lives don’t know how to take care of us. When someone you know is struggling, here are some ways to help.
- Send us a text. It can make our day. We often crave human contact and are so isolated because of our illnesses that a simple text checking in on us can make our day.
- Ask, “What can I do for you?” Generally, we are pretty self-sufficient. This is by far the best question to ask someone who is struggling, even if they say there is nothing you can do. It shows that you care about our wellbeing and that you want to help, even if there is nothing you can do. The simple offer is incredibly meaningful.
- Invite us to events, even though we say no all the time. Even if we can’t make it to an event, we still love to be included. An invite, regardless of whether or not we can attend, is especially significant because so often we feel forgotten by others.
- Come to us. Leaving the house costs us a lot of spoons. It’s not even just going somewhere; it’s the whole process of getting ready before hand. If you only have 5 spoons that day, there’s no way you can get ready and go out and meet up with a friend. Please, come to us. Come to our homes, where we can be comfortable and still have that social interaction we crave.
- Don’t offer us remedies. Some new ‘miracle cures’ go viral every other day. If someone has been chronically ill, and you think your miracle cure will help us; it won’t. And most likely, we have already tried it. We try everything, anything to get better.
- Don’t tell us to “be positive” or “suck it up.” Both, although on different ends of the spectrum, are equally destructive to us. We are doing our best. That should be enough for you.
There are probably a million other things I could think of, but most of all, just be there for us. Sometimes we just need to vent. Sometimes we need to tell someone how incredibly crappy we feel. Most of the times, there’s nothing you can do for us, but just letting us express ourselves honestly and listening is enough for most of us.
Some days are worse than others. Most days are hard. Occasionally we get a good day. And sometimes, magically, we get a lot of good days. Help us take advantage of the good days by not giving up on us.
We lose so many people in our lives in our journeys through illness. Whether it is mental illness or chronic illness, a significant amount of people just can’t handle our conditions and just suddenly aren’t there anymore… There are so many people we lose.
Humans crave relationships. Humans need relationships.
Just because we are sick, we are not lepers. And you aren’t going to ‘catch’ our illness by hanging out with us.
Be the one who stays with us. Be the one who is there, despite the fact that we isolate ourselves and try to stay hidden from the real world.
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November 15, 2016 at 6:52 pm
i love the spoon part. “it costs us a lot of spoons.”
perfect on so many levels.
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November 15, 2016 at 7:16 pm
Have you heard the spoon theory? 🙂
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November 16, 2016 at 4:34 am
no!
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November 16, 2016 at 11:09 am
https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/
That’s where I get it from! It’s a term commonly used in the disabled community 🙂
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November 16, 2016 at 12:43 pm
i’ve never seen this origin- but i totally can understand it.
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November 16, 2016 at 9:02 pm
Glad to have shared it with you 🙂
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January 24, 2017 at 5:54 am
Reblogged this on Serenity and commented:
This is important
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January 24, 2017 at 9:08 am
Thank you 🙂 and thanks for the two reblogs!
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January 24, 2017 at 10:07 am
You’re very welcome!
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January 25, 2017 at 6:18 pm
Reblogged this on Rosalind Pearl and commented:
Love this practical advice for friends and relatives of those of us who are chronically ill.
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March 13, 2020 at 11:28 pm
I found this website by accident or luck…. I did not know what a spoonie was and I looked it up after reading some stuff here. I can relate. I had a stroke and I suffer from short term memory loss and I, of course, forget things and repeat myself, etc. Most people I know can deal with it, but others that do not think oh well, she is stupid. Nope not stupid. Just have a short term memory loss problem. Oh well. Deal with it. I will not be embarassed by a “disease” I have. It is what it is.
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